i'm a 23 year old canadian psyc graduate, working toward becoming a sex psychologist, and every day i battle pcos, depression, and crippling negative self esteem. i've been a weight watchers member since july '12, and i love the program. i've finally decided to take control of my weight, my depression, and my condition, and hopefully learn to love myself along the way.
Started using myfitnesspal (megxsmith if ya interested). Weight watchers has kinda fallen by the wayside because I’m actually becoming way more interested in just how many carbs and calories I’m taking in.
I went back to the gym in forever tonight! Did an hour of zumba, which, according to the myfitnesspal gods burning 900 and some calories so sweet jesus.
And it did that whole “if every day were like today…” thing, and it said I would be down roughly 10 pounds in 5 weeks.
Well shit. That ain’t bad. Interested that my day consisted of the “perfect” amount of protein, 10% less fat, anddddd 10% too much carbs. Huh.
Anywho, things is cool.
When I say “please don’t take a picture of me” it’s not because I’m being bitchy and stubborn, it’s because if I see that picture I will seriously feel so bad about myself and think I am the ugliest thing on earth and sink a little deeper into self consciousness and hatred.
So I work with 5 year olds all day. And I’ve always felt that if ANYBODY was going to make a comment about my weight, it would be them. Them, with their no filters. But no, it’s been almost 3 months and nothing. They’ve said dumb stuff about my hair, and my fake nails, and my make up, but no weight comments.
Which has, honestly, led me to believe that while I am bigger, I’m not big enough to be on their radar. My weight is not abnormal to them (like my purple/red and black hair or mascara).
So finally a weight comment happens. Who fucking makes it? My coworker.
I don’t like her, I’ve been trying to avoid her, she creeps me out. She’s latched onto me and thinks we’re like BFFs when I barely know her. In the 2 and a half months we’ve worked together she’s broken down in front of me twice for no reason, and she just makes me very uncomfortable.
So today she finds me at recess. It’s starting to warm up outside. “So yesterday I saw these girls wearing such short skirts I couldn’t believe it.”
"Yeah, and I mean, regardless of your size…but really, if you’re a bigger person, no offense,you shouldn’t be wearing skirts that short.”
Fuck you. Seriously? Fuck you. Sometimes people say dumb shit without realizing it. But if you say something dumb and then follow it with no offense, you KNOW it’s offensive.
Just gonna wear a fucking mini skirt tomorrow and bend over in front of her all day. Ugh.
I’m sick again.
At least this time it’s apparently an infection, so the doctor was able to give my antibiotics. Been sick for almost 3 months straight. Slowly going crazy…
In other news, I don’t think I can do weight watchers anymore. I’m just learning that I don’t think it works exactly the same for me (or anyone with pcos) as it does for other people. According to weight watchers, you can pretty much eat whatever, as long as it’s within your points. However, if I get like, a chai latte from starbucks, which is around 7 points, I’m pretty sure with all that sugar my body treats it more like it’s 16. Which is why lately if I don’t eat well but follow the plan (see: unhealthy foods), I stay the same weight. And if I don’t eat well and don’t follow the plan, I stay the same weight. So obviously it’s the not eating well.
I just can’t do this anymore. So I’m cutting out the shit. No more burgers, and pizza, and chinese food, and ice cream, and whatever. I know it’s all about moderation, but I also know right now I’m really bad at moderating those things. Maybe one cheat meal a month or something, I haven’t decided.
Sooooo maybe if someone could help point me in the direction of some clean eating grocery lists? Preferably for picky people who really hate seafood and weird things >.>